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PSA: Always heed the cornershop mans' advice.
show user profile  LionDebt
Got my hands pretty full looking after the newest puppy addition to our household...

Fridge was totally empty and I needed to grab something to eat.

Corner shop had a deal on Pot Noodles. Two for £1. Bombay Badboy "flavour".

Being the frugal spendthrift that I am, and feeling slightly nostalgic I went for it.

He summarily informed me they were out of date. I laughingly thought to myself, what could possibly "expire" in a freeze-dried pot of noodles. Being starving I boiled the kettle, filled em both up and quickly googled if anyone had met their untimely end attempting what I was about to. One final convincing thought to myself that it was a "Best Before" as opposed to a "Use By" date stamped atop the foily lid. No turning back now, I went to town on them.

Tasted... weird. But thinking back to when I used to eat these things years ago, they always had that weird sort of taste to them. Needless to say I jettisoned the sauce sachet, it had congealed and refused to leave the packet when I opened it.

To disguise the weirdness-taste, I loaded my second pot up with srichacha (rooster sauce, for you yanks). Definite taste improvement. With my immediate hunger cured, I fed the puppy and took her for a walk.

Fast forward seven hours later. I totally skipped dinner, because, you know, I wasn't hungry. Now I'm sweating. I'v felt bloated beyond imagining since this afternoon. And my constant rumbling stomach is admitting a sad call of nature I am too fearful to answer.

Next time your local shop vendor gives you a warning, you take it. Take it with you to the grave. And heed it at all costs.

What's the most out-of-date thing you've ever eaten?
read 1290 times
8/19/2015 10:38:32 PM (last edit: 8/19/2015 10:38:32 PM)
show user profile  Mr_Stabby
Made pasta last year, the cream I used to make cheesy pesto was expired (by 3 days), it was all lumpy and smelled like crap. It was 4 am though and I was very hungry and very drunk. Started eating it, tasted great like usual and then several hours later I went to sleep. The next day nothing happened.. yeah no problem at all :)

Oh wait I got a better one. Way back when I started college, I was at a party at a friends house and again.. past midnight I got really hungry. Everything he had in the fridge had already been eaten, I went to the freezer and found *drumroll* Surimi in chilli sauce!! 1 year past expiration of course but I didn't understand that since I thought the last year was this year.

Threw them into the microwave and like 10 mins later, it was like this half frozen red soup with indistinguishable lumps floating in it. Took a few spoonfuls, it was the most disgusting thing ever. Not because it had an off taste or anything but the texture, it was like slime mixed in with a little denser slime, just uck. Another dude who was there thought it was great though, he poured some beer in it and went to work.

He had shit himself that night when everybody was sleeping, not sure it was the surimis fault though since he's done that a few times before without eating anything...

read 1244 times
8/20/2015 3:49:20 AM (last edit: 8/20/2015 3:49:20 AM)
show user profile  Joey Parker Jr.
They say what does not kill you makes you stronger.
I say what does not kill you makes you very sick...

I don't have any stories. I don't eat any processed food. No dairy. No gluten.
Just fresh meat, fish, eggs, fruits and vegetables.

Hope you're feeling better!
 photo 2012-sig_small3_zpsbd114b69.png

read 1241 times
8/20/2015 3:58:05 AM (last edit: 8/20/2015 4:00:16 AM)
show user profile  herfst1
My recent experience wasn't with food but alcohol. There was a local cheap bottle place run by Indians. They had a special on some Indian beer, 8% alcohol. I drank about 1/4 of a can and in half an hour was beyond drunk, then vomiting, and passed out in the street.

Found out there are fake breweries selling fake beer. That is, they add beer flavouring and then anything that is alcoholic, regardless of whether it kills you. And fyi, all those (women, mainly) who claim to be drink spiked, well, 99.99999999% of them either just drank too much, or drank one of these little beauties - they did a study to prove how prevalent it was and had to abandon it as 100% of the drink-spiking cases were falsely reported. Fake alcohol is sold around the world, like fake cigarettes, you've been warned.
read 1235 times
8/20/2015 4:08:39 AM (last edit: 8/20/2015 4:09:19 AM)
show user profile  LionDebt
A lot of that going on here in the UK too Herfst. Down south it's mostly Albanians making knockoff vodka and other spirits which they sell on to off-licenses. Gets really bad when they use methanol instead of ethanol, was a couple of deaths or maybe just cases of blindness a few years back. If you're ever in a skeezy, off-the-beaten-track club or bar make sure you don't buy the cheapest / sale booze... Or, better yet, if a venue makes your skin crawl don't go there.

Up here in Scotland it's - surprisingly - knock-off Buckfast, I'm told the label / bottle is the easiest to copy. And most people who drink the shite want to get fucked beyond all belief (buckfast gets ye fucked fast, the common parlance of youths these days)

Back roughly on topic, I was on holiday in Greece years ago... Being swelteringly hot and after a 6 hour bus journey I needed water. Stopped off at a little shop and bought a bottle. Noticed the seal around the lid had been broken but I dehydrated beyond caring. Had the worst case of "it's coming out both ends" for a good week of that holiday. Bastards were using the clearly unusable tap water and filling up empty bottles.
read 1194 times
8/20/2015 1:28:29 PM (last edit: 8/20/2015 1:28:29 PM)
show user profile  FX
House party, get shitfaced, pass out, wake up in the morning with raging thirst, reach for one of the many half filled cans littering the room...gulp gulp gulp....why is it always the one someone has been using as a spittoon and ashtray that's always first to hand ?...chunky, slimey.

read 1191 times
8/20/2015 1:36:19 PM (last edit: 8/20/2015 1:36:19 PM)
show user profile  Dave
A sane train of thought would be "Why are they still selling things beyond their use by date?", but I've got 2 local corner stores, and they both do this.

"I flew over Egypt once"

read 1177 times
8/20/2015 3:03:00 PM (last edit: 8/20/2015 3:03:00 PM)
show user profile  FX
If you've got a Jack Fultons in your town, check them out, the ultimate "sell by date" shop.

The oldest thing I've got from them are Sensations crisps that normally retail at £2 a packet, selling for 20p a packet... 3 weeks past the SBD.

They buy up food stocks with short SBD's and crank them out for pennies.

read 1173 times
8/20/2015 3:12:47 PM (last edit: 8/20/2015 3:14:06 PM)
show user profile  Mrs Fronatosaurus
max is past its sell by date.

that's why it makes you feel ill.

try new shiny maya.
read 1166 times
8/20/2015 3:24:34 PM (last edit: 8/20/2015 3:24:34 PM)
show user profile  digs
just graduated high school, moved in with my cousin, who lived with 2 of his friends. they're a few years older than I am, and we did a lot of drugs and drinking back then. Everyday was a party - literally. back then it was wake up, smoke weed, start drinking, play halo all day long. quite a way for some young punks to spend the summer

My buddies John and Brendan would come over just about every day; once when John was drunk he ate a bunch of moths - it was hilarious. At the beginning of the summer vaca a jug of milk was left on the back porch for some reason... fast forward a month later, through the hottest part of the summer, the jug of milk is still out there.

after a long week of binge drinking and smoking, somehow the jug of milk was in question, and Brendan or John bet John or Brendan that one or the other wouldn't drink the milk... they both drank (or, kinda.. ate) a lot of the milk

read 1162 times
8/20/2015 3:30:24 PM (last edit: 8/20/2015 4:03:38 PM)
show user profile  herfst1
Great stories, keep em coming.

I once drank the spit bowl too. Me and my girlfriend would smoke bongs and spit into this Heineken bottle (yeah, it was a romantic time). Anyway, had an open Heineken on the table next to the spit one. Drank from the wrong one, swallowed, phlegm and all; straight to the bathroom with two fingers down my throat. It makes me gag even writing about it 10 years later.
read 1148 times
8/20/2015 4:15:17 PM (last edit: 8/20/2015 4:15:17 PM)
show user profile  Error404
bong water, haha I'm sure someone has drank that for some dumb reason. -

read 1119 times
8/20/2015 8:02:43 PM (last edit: 8/20/2015 8:02:43 PM)
show user profile  9krausec
@digs- MOTHS, hahaha. wtf.

Spit water ftw!

I used to smoke for a couple years, then I started chewing and although I'm much better, I used to chew and 3D a lot! I'm also a very aggressive water drinker. When I drink water I pound it like it's going out of style.

There has been once or twice when I got my spitter mixed up with my water bottle and slammed some of my own juice. Needless to say it wasn't pleasant.

I'm just happy I don't chew like I used to. Damn nicotine... Gotta kick it, eventually...

- Portfolio-

read 1081 times
8/21/2015 8:36:25 PM (last edit: 8/21/2015 8:36:25 PM)
show user profile  LionDebt
Nah, mate. Get an e-cig! Kanger Subtank is pretty dang tasty.
read 1042 times
8/22/2015 12:08:38 AM (last edit: 8/22/2015 12:08:38 AM)
show user profile  ScotlandDave
It's a Kanger one i've got.. It's good but i still can't get over the need for those bad toxins that my body has become so accustomed to processing from smoking actual fags. I think for me with vaping there's a real danger of becoming much more addicted to nicotine than i previously was, i still go between my ecig and cigarettes..

Anyway, back on topic - what i was wondering today is, what would gravy be like if you put wayyy to much Bisto in and not enough water. Would it be remotely palatable, and would it actually be safe to consume. Was just wondering that..

Website | Blog | Contact | Vimeo

read 1038 times
8/22/2015 12:24:22 AM (last edit: 8/22/2015 12:24:22 AM)
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